Relationships are a science. The American psychologist John Gottman has been studying relationships for 40 years and found 4 dangerous behavior types which he calls "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."
Bright Side suggests that everyone examines this expert’s recommendations attentively in order to keep your love away from misery.
Contempt
© Paramount Pictures
Indicators: One of the partners makes fun of the other in private or in public, gives insulting nicknames on purpose, and doesn’t value the other partner’s opinion. Simply put, they show that they don’t appreciate their partner and that they feel much more important.
How to fix it: Put yourself in the position of a loved one who became the subject of mockery, and try to see the situation from their point of view. And then remind yourself how much you love them each time you want to make fun of them.
Criticism
© Universal Pictures
Indicators: One of the partners gets irritated because of every mistake the other partner makes, even bringing up similar situations from the past. As a result, it’s not even the mistake that’s criticized but the partner’s personality, resulting in such words as "You always do everything wrong."
How to fix it: Don’t use an aggressive tone in conversation, and do not transform one small problem into millions of others. If you calmly ask your mate to do things differently next time and, even better, say this in passing without attaching much importance to the situation, the result will be much better.
Defensive behavior
© Paramount Pictures
Indicators: One of the couple thinks they did something wrong and, in order to avoid criticism, tries to immediately defend themselves quite aggressively. Such a situation is characterized by phrases like “Actually, I shouldn’t have done it!“ ”It’s not my fault!" and so on. As a result, the other partner answers sharply, and it all ends up in painful mutual grievances.
How to fix it: In such cases, it’s much easier to take responsibility for your behavior and apologize in good time. Then you won’t waste lots of time on a pointless argument, and you can spend it on more pleasant things.
Avoiding a conflict
© 20th Century Fox
Indicators: Sensing that a storm is coming, some people prefer to respond to grievances quickly and without any emotions. Alternatively, they ignore their partner in all possible ways.
How to fix it: Don’t run away or stay alone with your emotions. Try to solve the problem peacefully because if you don’t it’ll surely come out in the future on a bigger scale.
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